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My dear friend Stephen recently invited me to join him on his podcast, Business Misfit.

It’s been my experience that many podcasts are concentrated around single topics. My hypothesis: this is done to help listeners stay focused and hold attention spans (a good idea) … these don’t seem to be the kind of media or formats that reward random walks or streams of consciousness.

Stephen and I had a difficult time settling on an agenda. We knew it should be generally focused on mindfulness, managing stress, and dealing with uncomfortable feelings, to name a few. We also knew that the way we discuss such topics (usually on my porch with a good glass of wine) didn’t lend itself to the standard 30-minute podcast, strict agenda, talking points formula.

So, we decided to sit at my dining room table, turn on the mics, pour the wine, and walk loosely through a few topics to simulate a normal ‘porch session’. We gave ourselves the freedom to be ourselves…to talk as humans…as friends…and to rely and trust in each other that we could pull this off.

90 minutes later, we adjourned and enjoyed a few wonderful moments of silence…we knew we had done something a bit different. Most importantly, we were able to be ourselves.

For the listener, to say it was a fire hose in the mouth of information that would be difficult to immediately digest could be an understatement.

As such, I wanted to provide links and references to some of the information we discussed so listeners could take their own research to the next level, and dive deeply into the work and the journey as I have.

Disclaimer: I have no financial interests/incentives/associations with any of these services, classes, etc.…they simply changed my life and are now part of my personal toolbox.

Faster EFT Tapping

First, EFT tapping, also known as Eutaptics, created by Robert Gene Smith. (https://www.fastereft.com)

There’s so much to share, from tapping itself to journaling, to mindset, to reframing, you name it. Here are a few of my favorite videos (there are HUNDREDS more of Robert’s videos on YouTube to peruse) that capture the essence of the techniques Stephen and I discussed.

1. Basic tapping techniques, including a walk-through of a tapping exercise.

• More in depth discussion on tapping, further down the rabbit hole.

• Even deeper dive…and some of Robert’s secrets he uses on himself when tapping.

• The Happy Journal…a discussion on how it works, how we keep happy or unhappy journals in our own minds, and a link to the Happy Journaling class itself (I took this class and it changed my life).

Happy Journal Training with Robert Gene Smith – ONLINE COURSE

Sue DeJesus

I started seeing Sue every week in late 2020 when my panic attacks started. She’s a world champion triathlete, a life coach and a healer.

I’ll cut to the chase: you can find Sue at http://www.findstillwaters.com

I’m not sure there is an area in my life where Sue has not helped me. She introduced me to tapping. Then journaling. Lots of homework. Then visualization exercises. Then musical exercises. Then walking meditation. More journaling. More reflection. Examining my diet. Understanding how I was approaching every day. Deepening my gratitude practice. Reflecting, exploring, finding the areas from my past and present that were causing so much discord in my life, resulting in anxiety and panic. Then after identifying them, systematically disarming each and every area that could cause anxiety and panic. It took a lot of hard work, a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to work through, and I stand here today markedly better after working with Sue. I’m a new and better human.

She has trained and taught me the skills to navigate my own challenges, so I don’t have to rely upon her every time these challenges arise. Success doesn’t always mean the uncomfortable situations disappear; it means they start to lessen, and you now have more skills in your toolbox to confront them when they do occur. Sue has done a wonderful job training me, building my own toolbox to navigate and resolve the anxiety and panic when it comes.

I somewhat lack the words to describe all that Sue has done for my life. She’s a teacher…a guide…a bodhisattva…an accountability partner…a competitor…a dear friend.

Other Useful Items

1. Shi Heng Yi and Becoming Superhuman.

This video was a huge inflection point for me. To this day, when I’m feeling uninspired, apathetic, or just morose I watch this video and it breaks my thought patterns and brings me back to the path. It’s the same video we discuss in the podcast about being in turbulence on a flight and finding that new space in me that said:

I don’t have to listen to my mind, and I don’t have to care what it’s trying to tell me.

The next time you’re feeling down, confused, or overwhelmed, come back to this video and see what it does for you. I hope it has the same effect and becomes another tool in your box as it has with me.

• Mr. Miyagi (yes, Mr. Miyagi).

I’ll leave you with the link to a short video that brought me through some of my darkest times (and still brings a tear to my eye every time I watch it).

Yes, some may laugh that I’m quoting a (somewhat) cheesy 80s movie. But I will share with you that when you’re in the midst of a panic attack, the world feels like it’s ending…that you may pass out or die right there…that you are so afraid of what comes next…that you can’t make it…that you have to run away…anything to make it stop.

And in that moment, you have to realize you must not lose to fear. Understand you are stronger, braver, and more resilient than you even realize. You have the guts to sit there with the panic, with the anxiety, with the fear, and stand up to it…you won’t let the bully take your lunch money because by standing up to him today, he (the fear, the anxiety, the panic) will think twice about coming back tomorrow.  

You have the guts and inner strength to deal with the difficult emotions…and it starts by making the decision you won’t run away when it arises, and you will confront it face on. You can do this. I know you can.

Going forward, simply by writing this blog entry, I’m increasingly aware how useful returning to my blog and writing more will be for my own path. So I’ll go back to Shi Heng Yi for a moment:

The reason for going through the journey first is to help others who are behind you…so that you can help them move through their own challenges faster, which lifts all of us.

As you move through your own process and journey, I would kindly ask you to pay it forward. Share your own work with others so that we can propel one another along the path.

We can do this.

People much more qualified than me have authored countless blogs, podcasts, and videos that describe everything we can try to avoid anxiety and panic attacks. There is also an overload of information about what you can do if the moment arises and you find yourself in the midst of a panic attack.

What I want to offer today is what has worked for me. Maybe it will work for you and save you the time of sifting through the plethora of research documents.

My first panic attack was starting from zero. I had no idea what was happening or what to do, other than to ponder whether this was how my life was ending, then quickly making peace, and accepting this might be how it all ends. I didn’t know what else to do.

Over time I learned many techniques I put into practice when more moments came, and they helped me tremendously.

The first was simple. Understanding enough about panic attacks to realize they are a biological process, a rush of chemicals in your body that causes specific physical changes such as breathing to heart rate, to head rush, to numbness, inability to swallow, overwhelm, and impending doom. I found the more I could repeat to myself that it is this, the sum of these symptoms as a result of a biological process, and not the end of the world, the more I could disarm the situation and just sit (albeit very uncomfortably) with the panic attack and make my way through.

I’m an analytical guy. And after reading a wonderful book, “90 Seconds to a Life You Love” by Dr. Joan Rosenberg, I decided to remove as much power as I could from the panic and define what it is. I spent about 90 minutes one Sunday morning in March writing out my own definition of a panic attack to remove all uncertainty, power, and dominion it possessed over me. My definition reads:

“A panic attack is not panic. It is the momentary manifestation of biological processes (cortisol response, among others) and chemical dumping, spontaneously and often randomly triggered, that are the result of the accumulation of unprocessed, uncomfortable feelings of helplessness and vulnerability in the areas of my life in which I need to work through and move through.”

Yep, that’s a long definition. But decomposing to the most basic element allowed me to understand what a panic attack is and remove the specter of uncertainty. I kept reading that definition every day to educate my subconscious so that in the moment, it would revert to a definition instead of telling the rest of my body that this was the end.

The second was also simple. And a game changer. It’s called Havening…check it out at www.havening.org or https://www.amenclinics.com/blog/the-simplest-anxiety-soothing-technique-youve-never-heard-of.

The gist is this: havening is a way of swaddling yourself in a panicky moment that stimulates the brain to return to a lower anxious state and remain calm. You stroke your arms, your face, your hands, your legs. And just by doing so, you stimulate the creation of serotonin and other feel good chemicals in your body that puts your brain in a delta wave state.

What is a delta wave state? I’m glad you asked.

Delta waves are long brain waves that are usually generated during sleep. Think of slow ocean swells rolling in at the beach, calmly, repeatedly. They are the opposite of anxious thoughts (those are left for gamma waves and you don’t want gamma waves). Delta waves tell the body everything is OK and there’s no reason to panic.

How does it work? It’s almost too simple to believe.

When I have felt panic attacks coming or have just been in an uncomfortable situation (think bad turbulence on a flight), I start rubbing my palms together like I’m sanding them…then I gently stroke my forehead…then I stroke my upper arms like I’m giving myself a hug. While I’m doing this, I repeat to myself “Safe and calm…safe and calm…safe and calm…safe and calm…safe and calm…safe and calm.” I try to have a gentle smile on my face while I’m doing it.

And by some wizardry…it works. It’s almost too simple to work. It shouldn’t work. But it does. You can stimulate the creation of feel good chemicals, lull yourself into a relaxed state, remain focused on your situation, all without drugs or other chemicals. No side effects, no risk, nothing.

To recap, here’s what I do when the moment comes:

1. Sit down right where you are. If possible, touching the Earth with your bare feet or hands. Let that contact fill you with the negative ions the Earth emits naturally which have calming effects on your body.
2. Start havening. Start repeating “safe and calm, safe and calm, safe and calm”
3. Sit there with the discomfort. This is the hardest part. You are desperately looking for an escape because of something the mind and body are doing, and you cannot let them win. Don’t divert, don’t distract, don’t sidestep, don’t avoid. Just sit there. I know it sucks. But you must treat the panic like a bully. Give the panic (bully) any satisfaction and he’ll be back for more than your lunch money tomorrow.
4. Focus on your breath. I like to focus on the end of my nose, the feeling of the air entering and leaving my nostrils. I box breathe to develop the rhythm that tells your subconscious that there is no way we can be in a threatening situation if I can breathe calmly and controlled.
5. Keep sitting there. Keep being uncomfortable. If you pass out, you pass out. Remember, the body can make you pass out as a defense mechanism when what you are facing is just too much to bear. When it is overwhelmed, it hits the abort switch to protect itself. Just keep sitting there.
6. Keep havening, even after the discomfort subsides. Tell yourself you just endured an incredibly tough situation and you made it through. You are safe and calm, and because you just made it through, you can be less fearful of the next moment should it arise.
7. Don’t get up until you’re ready. I can recall being on my front porch in meditation posture for an hour after a panic attack. I just wasn’t ready to get back to the day.  Let yourself gently come back to the day. And give yourself the grace and time it needs.

I was always concerned of what to do in the moment. Yes, I can try and stave off anxiety by doing all the right things but if it were to come, how could I react and what could I do…and not remain powerless. Havening and deconstructing what a panic attack is (then reciting to myself in the moment) has helped tremendously.

All this helps to regain control of your breath and let’s face it…with no control over your breath, you have no control over anything. Your breath is your life. In the moment you can find that control over the breath. Some of that control comes from the work you can do ahead of time…and some of the control you can still try and find in the moment.

Wine is an important part of my life.

Some of my most memorable trips and memories have been to wine regions around the world. Day trips over the Golden Gate to Sonoma and Napa from Catherine’s house in San Carlos. Long stays in Rioja, tasting my favorite wine in the world. Learning about the winemaking process, seeing the people who work in the vineyards, learning their names, the smell of the barrel rooms, the sounds of the wind whipping through the fields.

This is what runs through my mind every time I open a bottle of wine and pour a glass. It immediately takes me to those places.

Enter pandemic. I’m guessing that I, much like many other people, was looking for ways to divert my attention from the daily onslaught from businesses, people, media, governments, lockdowns, riots, and protests. Not being able to travel to Rioja or Montalcino or Sonoma or Bordeaux didn’t mean I couldn’t open a bottle and escape to those places in my mind.

And then I had my first significant panic attack in October…and I didn’t yet know how much of a contributing factor alcohol can be. The night prior to the attack, I was celebrating with friends, opening some of the best bottles from my cellar. I knew I’d likely awaken the next day with a hangover, yet I didn’t care. I had just achieved a life goal (qualifying for a USGA national championship) and it was time to celebrate. I was willing to deal with the pain.

The panic attack the next morning sent me into a tailspin. What the hell could have caused this? I was celebrating, for God’s sake. I was on Cloud 9. I was scared, confused, and didn’t know where to start.

And then I learned that alcohol and anxiety/panic is akin to throwing gasoline on an open flame. But it’s more complex than that.

Alcohol is a double-edged sword. It’s a depressant…it placates you in the moment, helps you to feel happy, lowers your inhibitions, and other wonderful things. It also saps your body’s ability to replenish and balance the stress hormones to keep you feeling happy longer term. Serotonin and other neurotransmitters get out of whack, and you continue a slow decline of feeling just a little bit worse every day, yet you don’t know why. Then you have another night of a few drinks, and you feel even more anxious and panicky the next day. And the cycle continues.

Yet for me, I had no idea this was happening until the attack happened. I didn’t understand the science. And when I did, I immediately stopped drinking for 5 weeks.

Going back to my ‘escape to Rioja for a few hours by opening a bottle of wine when cooking dinner’, I realized it had become a habit. Every time I was cooking dinner (usually 5-6 nights a week), I was having about 2 glasses of wine that night while in the kitchen and eating. Nothing excessive, yet even the (relatively) modest amount of alcohol each night was wrecking my body’s ability to handle stress and process through anxiety creating thoughts and events. And that accumulation likely led to my first full-blown panic attack.

This is where the hard part begins…and I hate to be the bearer of bad news.

Drinking alcohol is undoubtedly making your anxiety worse. Repeat that with me. Drinking alcohol is undoubtedly making your anxiety worse.

It will make you happy in the short-term. It might trick you into thinking those effects will last into the longer-term and you’ll always be this happy. But the human body is governed by certain laws and rules. And the chemicals in your brain and in your gut are the only thing that govern how you are going to feel. Depleted serotonin? You aren’t going to be as happy. Adrenal glands exhausted and can’t function optimally? Small stressor events are going to blow up and cause you to erupt when you would have otherwise not even cared.

I’m not telling you to stop drinking. I’m saying that if you’re serious about reducing anxiety and ending your panic attacks, and are willing to do the hard work, you need to consider ceasing drinking. At least for a while.

Still don’t believe me? Simply google ‘alcohol and anxiety’. Then spend the afternoon parsing through every article that describes how alcohol worsens anxiety. You’re going to need some time because there’s a shitload of them (fun fact: there are over 386,000,000 google results).

We have now officially arrived at our Kevin Bacon moment from A Few Good Men: “These are the facts, and they are undisputed.”

I can’t tell you that immediately after I stopped drinking that I felt like a million bucks. I didn’t. I just knew I was giving my body the best chance possible to recover, rebuild, process, and heal. Given the other work I was doing (see Chapter 3: “Lay Yourself Bare”), I needed all the processing power available in my body to do the emotional work. I trusted the science and removed what is a known contributor to anxiety to give myself a chance.

Eventually, I started to reintroduce alcohol into my life. Slowly. Very slowly. I de-coupled cooking and dinner from drinking. I made myself acknowledge and understand why I was looking to open a bottle or have a glass. When I wanted to escape to my favorite places, I’d find videos on YouTube for a 20-minute walk through Rioja, or a history of Montalcino. I watched them without ever taking a sip.

Was it the same as enjoying a glass? Nope. However, much like everything else on this journey, it hasn’t been easy. Yet reducing / removing alcohol is one of the bigger elements within your control that can have significant benefits. Reducing or eliminating for some period of time allows you to develop a greater sensitivity and understanding of your limits. It lets you tune in to your body and be able to listen to the effect of what every drink does to you.

Everyone is different. For Catherine, a total of 4 drinks per week is about the limit. That can be 2 drinks on 2 nights, or 1 drink each night for 4 nights. Beyond that, the real negative effects begin to set in. For me, no more than 2 drinks on a given night is my max, and I can’t do that for more than 2 nights in a row. Beyond that, I wake up the following day markedly more anxious, wondering if panic is near.

The reason is my reserves have been depleted. If I’m feeling panicky I can usually take refuge in a safer place in my mind, a place where I meditate and reflect. I lower my energy output, confine my thoughts to lighthearted, happy, non-triggering topics, and wait it out. I’ve found, however, that alcohol depletes those reserves and when I try to go there, they don’t exist. It’s like having a dead battery, then your replacement battery has nearly zero charge and can’t help you.

Reduce or eliminate, listen to your body, then experiment, and be honest with yourself. Don’t use alcohol as a crutch. Drink to enjoy, not to mistakenly dull yourself when in reality you are only weakening your defenses in their battle against anxiety and panic.

The subconscious is a powerful force. It is also a complete bastard if you don’t keep it in check.

The good thing: you can program your subconscious to do just about anything. The bad thing: if you don’t program your subconscious to your benefit, it can rule your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, and lead you to a world of anxiety and panic.

Along the journey I’ve found there were so many things my subconscious has been telling me for years, most of if false, that have undoubtedly fueled panic attacks. Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and emotions that were shaped by events in childhood, in high school, and many other times.

Your feelings about these events accumulate, whether those feelings are positive or negative. I still hated the high school bully who stole from me, beat me up, and was much too big for me to retaliate. Family challenges from growing up carry with me to this day and are still a voice in the back of my mind. The fear of suffering and death has long been a (bad) companion for many years.

In isolation none of these elements could sink a cruise ship. But then I realized one day the accumulation of everything was causing my cup to overflow. And that was leading me to panic. You don’t realize it’s happening. You don’t understand how you can be triggered into a panic attack watching the most innocuous comedy show…or walking down the street with your puppy on a beautiful calm morning. All of a sudden, it starts…you can’t swallow, your limbs go numb, you think you might pass out, your mind races, and you have NO IDEA WHY.

My hypothesis is that the accumulation of all the elements in my mind I was yet to process (see list above) didn’t need a trigger. They were lurking just below the surface, waiting to attack at any moment. And any source of stress (hello, pandemic) was a trigger to help them erupt. Fortunately for these little elements, we have been living continuously in one large triggering event since March of 2020.

Every single day we have been reminded how vulnerable we are. How frightened we should be. How we cannot trust anyone to not infect us. And these elements create some very real, predictable changes in your body. You secrete more cortisol (stress) hormone. Your adrenal glands work overtime because they believe imminent threats abound. You must find a way to navigate to get through and disarm your thoughts so they cannot hurt you.

What was my approach? Through the help of two very special counselors, I decided it was time to lay myself bare.

What do I mean by ‘lay myself bare’? First off, it’s not fun. It’s not easy. Remember I didn’t get here overnight so solving the problems won’t be an overnight change either. Over the course of 6+ months with counselors I have scoured my brain, journalled, meditated, explored, questioned, conversed, written, gone through every single element I can remember, in order to document them as items that need my attention. Each element must be examined, deconstructed, dissected, interpreted, re-interpreted, re-conceptualized, re-framed, then placed in a new location in your mind.

You have to identify every element that creates conflict and could be contributing to your panic, then examine it under an electron microscope.

It sucks. I’ll say it again. It really sucks.

Let’s go back to the high school bully. Yes, he beat me up. Yes, he took golf clubs from me. Yes, he punched me in the nuts and dropped me to my knees every week. Yes, I got endless wedgies and had belongings stolen. I hated him for it and I still hate his guts for it (remember, I’m a work in progress).

With my counselors, I also turned the argument around and rewrote my own history. I realized that bastard taught me how to endure. How to rely on myself. How to stay cool and let my golf game do the talking (most of the time he couldn’t beat me, even though he was 2 years older, 100 pounds heavier, and hit it 30 yards by me). How to grind. How to lose my fear.

Beat me up? I’m still coming for you. Take my stuff? I’m still coming for you. Publicly shame and humiliate me? I’m still coming for you. I’ll never stop. It’s not in my nature…I know no other way.

As much as I still hated his guts, I recently had to concede that I didn’t know his story. He could have been abused. He could have been slighted. He could have had a bad family situation growing up. Perhaps he was lashing out at me because he had no control over his home life. This helps to see from the other side, acknowledge what you don’t know, what might not be true, own it, and reflect.

I’ve not yet made peace with the memories of the bully, yet I continue to work through them. I realize they have a huge impact on the way I view the world. Just like every other area, I’ve laid it bare to understand my attitudes, reactions, and whether they are true. It’s a mixed bag.

Some traumas from our past are obvious (like the bully), others less so. Any event that helped shape your outlook, your story, your feelings is worth diving into and examining. It is likely those events impacted you in ways you don’t even realize, and it is those elements that could be causing anxiety and panic. You’ve got to go deep. As my counselor Sue told me, ‘have the strength to go after the really bad stuff’. Again, it sucks…but it works.

It is a matter of wash, rinse, repeat, for every area I’ve identified for exploration. It takes time. And each time I pick apart another area, the more I disarm it and prevent it from harming me. Given enough time and grinding through the emotional work, the elements that can do you harm are slowly disarmed and cannot be triggered in the same way as before.

That’s it, that’s the process. It’s a fruitful journey, yet a long and tough one. There are wonderful books out there to help, such as ’90 Seconds to a Life You Love’ by Joan Rosenberg, that help with starting the process on your own. I’ve had two outstanding counselors help me through my process. The secret? Get started. There’s much work to be done. It’s not going to be easy, yet I will attest that few other approaches have been as helpful in reducing the anxiety and panic.

Sometimes ‘everything looks good’ is the opposite of what you want to hear.

After my first panic attack I didn’t know what had happened. For weeks I thought it was a massive blood sugar crash, compounded by other factors I was yet to identify. I’ve always needed to eat pretty regularly and felt my blood sugar drop when I’ve gone too long between meals.

Layman’s terms: I easily get hangry.

I decided to have my annual physical. All bloodwork was normal. I joined a telehealth service and we pulled a shitload of blood to test everything under the sun. All bloodwork was normal. We did a cortisol awakening response test that measures how your cortisol levels vary during the day based on the diurnal pattern they should follow. Mine were elevated in the early morning compared to ‘normal’, but nothing crazy out of the ordinary.

I did not want to hear ‘everything looks good’. I wanted to hear ‘we now have a clear idea of what happened and a protocol to treat it going forward’.

I was left with no answers, just more questions.

I researched everything, including:

• What does it feel like when you have a stroke?
• What does it feel like when you have a heart attack?
• What does it feel like when your blood sugar crashes, and you almost pass out?

Interestingly, the symptoms of these events/conditions all share commonalities with panic attacks. This is not a calming discovery. Given all my bloodwork was normal (boring), I eventually believed indeed it was a panic attack. That sent me down a rabbit hole I chased for weeks: how the hell do panic attacks occur, and is there any way to test for them?

Being an analytical dude, I kept looking for other tests, from food intolerance to organic (amino) acid tests to see if anything stood off the page that could better explain what happened. Shockingly, there was an answer: ‘nothing is wildly out of line and you’re pretty much normal’.

That leads me to the main point of this chapter. There is another dimension each one of us possesses, an energetic one, that does not appear on any lab result, cannot be tested, and yet it is there. And it is a powerful element that cannot be ignored.

“Of course you’re going to look normal on the labs, the issue is energetic,” my dear friend and acupuncturist Remee said to me. I’ve been going to acupuncture for over a decade and still I had no idea what the hell she meant. I probably looked like my dog’s face if I were to ask him to drive to the store and pick up some sushi.

I had to sit with the idea and understand there are other dimensions that govern our bodies, and that the energy that illuminates each of us can sometimes be out of balance. Sometimes, egregiously so. And if this is out of balance it will not appear on any lab result, any blood panel, any test, period. In severe cases, it can lead to panic attacks. And that sucks.

Reflecting now, it was helpful to have all the bloodwork and tests completed because it gives peace of mind that by and large, I’m ok (physically). It was a good step. Had something abnormal appeared, I could have focused on addressing that challenge. I also know (now) that in the event bloodwork comes back OK and you keep hearing ‘you’re normal’, it is perfectly OK to acknowledge that things are anything but normal. You need to keep pushing if you’re willing to do the work. It is OK, even necessary, to keep questioning and seeking – you just may need to change to whom you are asking the questions.

The good news? I’ve found you can treat energetic symptoms.  

Over the Christmas 2020 holiday, I decided to leave Facebook. Since that time…

In February, I stood barefoot in my front yard in the snow, clenching ice cubes in my palms, doing box breathing.

In March, I walked for miles barefoot on Richmond city sidewalks to create excruciating pain in my feet.

All because one Monday October morning, I suddenly knew I was dying, and quickly made peace with my life coming to an end.

I have been living with panic attacks for over 6 months. During this time, I’ve often questioned why the universe chose me to walk this path. Or why I unconsciously made life choices that led me here. The question of ‘why’ consumed me for months. There are many ‘whys’…and thankfully I have answered at least one of the questions.

All the work and research I have done to help myself through this challenge can help serve others.

Over the coming weeks I’m going to share not only my journey, but all the information I’ve compiled, my research, my techniques, everything. And the reason for releasing this information over the course of time has nothing to do with readership, or likes, or clicks, or money.

Quite simply, I have too much information to share in a single post. Here’s are two examples:

1. Describing the power of Havening techniques (www.havening.org) I learned from New Zealand Doctor Robin Youngson via Zoom is worthy of more than a paragraph.
2. It takes more than a few sentences to explain how Earthing mats (www.earthing.com) recreate the magnetic field of the Earth, and the electrons generated can penetrate your body and improve anxiety.

I don’t want to take the time to write a book on the subject and this is going to be a bit of a random walk in the weeks ahead. I want to simply post information I have collected, synthesized, and distilled into consumable chunks that people can try to help themselves through this horrible condition.

There is so much information available, and it is overwhelming. I’ve found that for someone dealing with anxiety and panic attacks (me), fewer answers are better…menus of countless options are far from productive…they are counterproductive.

What will follow in the weeks ahead will be an exploration into the techniques that have helped me.

Sharing this information will likely be therapeutic for me. I do also feel a responsibility to help others. I feel this way because the more I have shared my challenges with people, the more people I have learned silently share these same challenges and are overwhelmed by what they can do to improve their situation.

I am doing this for them.

I’ve played guitar since I was 10 years old and have listened to music for as long as I can remember. Music has been a foundational element of my life. I’ve played in bands, jammed with friends, attended countless concerts, and have enjoyed the lessons music continues to teach me.

Even before picking up a guitar in 1988, I’ve always marveled at what I thought was a special gift bestowed upon a few select people: the ability to write music.

This brings me to a key point: Until 2020, I was never really able to write music or lyrics.

Sure, I’ve dabbled. I even wrote and recorded an instrumental guitar track I titled ‘The JJP Sessions’ that I hand delivered to a girlfriend who had just dumped me. That was 2002. And 18 years later, that was still the only original piece of material I had completed.

And then 2020 happened.

An imaginary switch turned on sometime during the pandemic. When picking up a guitar to dabble, more started coming out of me than before. I started to like what I heard. I understood how what I was playing could be developed into a more coherent thought, dare I say, a song.

I’ve spent many nights reflecting on what could have allowed this to happen and I’ve concluded it is the combination two things:

1. I stumbled across a very old acoustic guitar with a wonderful back story in Sam Ash that I absolutely had to buy (and did)
2. I’ve done a tremendous amount of work on myself during the pandemic, which has helped to change my subconscious belief that “I’m not a person who writes songs”

Today, I’ll focus on #2. Stay tuned in a future post for the fascinating story behind #1.

You see, during the pandemic, I’ve somewhat laid myself bare. I’ve taken the down time to explore my thoughts about the world, my family, my friends, my place in this world, and my life. Not normally an anxious person, my anxiety began to skyrocket that has caused me to examine why it was happening. And what I found made me realize there was much work to do.

So I got to work.

I began meditating again. I began journaling. I developed a gratitude practice. I changed my diet. I reduced my alcohol intake (after first increasing it during the beginning of the pandemic). I took more control over my health. And, I deepened my work with my counselors, who have played such an important role in my life.

All this work made me challenge what I believed about myself. It made me explore what is the real truth about me? Was I still the kid who got left out of a high school band because the other guitar player didn’t want to teach me the songs? Was I still the kid who was always a substandard guitar player, one who was too boring, who couldn’t either write a melody or play extravagant solos?

And then a funny thing happened: While I was pondering all these questions, I started writing songs.

At first, I didn’t realize what was happening. I couldn’t explain why I suddenly had this skill. I tried explaining this to one of my counselors and she just smiled. Then she said something I’ll never forget:

“You finally have something to say”

After challenging, then starting to strip out the false narratives I had internalized for decades, I started to write some original music. Since the pandemic began, I have over 20 song ideas recorded as voice messages on my iPhone, ready to be developed into complete thoughts. I’ve got plans for collaborating with friends to do just that, then head to a studio to record, a goal I’ve had for decades.

This pandemic has challenged each of us in ways I don’t think we thought possible. I still work with my anxiety every day. However, there is no doubt that the difficulty of 2020 has, through intensive work, pushed me to a higher state of being and shown me who I can become. Just as COVID made us rethink countless elements of our lives, I’ve also re-thought the false and old narratives I clenched to so dearly, like a warm blanket.

The reality is as warm and comfy as that blanket was, it was holding me back. And once I threw away the blanket and laid myself bare, I became a songwriter.

Richmond City Council unanimously passed a measure Monday, banning hand-held devices while driving that will take effect in six months. This action reveals that City leaders are ignoring the facts in an attempt to make citizens feel safer (even though they will not be).

Most of us have little patience for people not driving forward when the light turns green because they are on their phone. I’m guilty of yelling at them while walking by and use my horn when driving, probably too much. Hey, I’m a work in progress…and I’m working on it.

But this all-too-familiar scenario is by and large an annoyance, not a safety concern. People are distracted in their lives as never before. These habits extend into the cars they drive every day when they are eating, talking, keeping kids entertained, playing with the radio, or putting on makeup.

Studies by the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS) and Cambridge Mobile Telematics show Council’s actions are not rooted in fact and are merely window dressing to make citizens believe that banning handhelds will make them safer. IIHS found no difference in crash rates before and after such laws took effect in other states. They also found no difference in overall crash risk between hands free and handheld use of a cell phone.

Cambridge found “there is only a modest correlation between states that have strong penalties against all handheld phone use, and the average number of minutes spent distracted per 100 miles of driving.”

Translation: it is as equally dangerous to talk on a cell phone hands-free as it is holding it in your hand.

If nothing more than unsubstantiated facts support the hand-held ban, the ban is then, by definition, arbitrary. And these arbitrary laws can have damning effects. Hands-free laws place a burden on people and families who do not drive new vehicles equipped with hands-free. While a problem for many people, this disproportionately affects lower income families who cannot afford to spend money on these new technologies or buy newer cars.

More importantly, the arbitrary amount of the monetary fines imposed by Council walks a dangerous line with respect to income. Fines need to be sufficiently large to try and change driver’s behaviors, but small enough to not send a person to bankruptcy. In the City, first offense fines are $125; each subsequent offense will be $250. Gulp.

These high fines function as another regressive tax for many people who work several jobs trying to make ends meet but still hover at or below the poverty line. The fines help perpetuate the cycle of poverty.

This new law stands in direct opposition to the City’s recent focus on reducing Richmond’s eviction rates for lower income individuals. It is both frustrating and concerning that no one on Council or the Mayor’s office seems to understand that.

Politically speaking, it is apparently more advantageous to stand on the steps of City Hall and proclaim, ‘at least we tried to do something to help’. Council and the Mayor, however, should be in the facts and evidence business if they want to help improve the quality of citizens’ lives. To Richmond’s detriment, however, recent evidence suggests they currently reside in the ‘win popular opinion, win elections, and attempt to ascend the political ladder’ business.

Over the past week I found myself thinking. When was the last time a sitting president challenged by a member of his own party during a re-election year and what happened?

It turns out one doesn’t have to look back too far. In 1976, Reagan ran against Ford. In 1980, Kennedy ran against Carter, and in 1992, Buchanan ran against Bush. Interestingly, all three of those sitting presidents, although they still won their party’s nomination, lost the general election.

Flash forward to today, where I have a hypothesis that only time will tell as to whether my mind runs at a snail’s pace or ludicrous speed.

A Libertarian, who is just Republican enough to be a party member (wink wink, Rand Paul and Gary Johnson) will have the opportunity of a lifetime (perhaps a generation) to challenge President Trump for the Republican nomination for President in 2020.

Such a challenge would give the media hourly orgasms for 24 months and would solve the exposure issue every Libertarian has faced since time began. Such a challenge would present both Republicans and Democrats the opportunity to stand on the steps of the Capitol and bloviate about how they would LOVE to work with a less boisterous, stubborn, and unpopular figure such as the sitting President.

Think about it for a moment…it’s not too far out there to consider. 2016 was a great opportunity for Libertarians as two of the most unpopular Americans were put forth to lead their respective parties and as such, Libertarians were able to move the ball forward.

I still believe there is a significant chance Trump will not seek re-election, citing the toxicity of Washington and the fact that he lacks any real power to enact the change he wants, unlike that of a CEO / sole proprietor. Regardless of his choice, Libertarians have a bigger opportunity before them here than in 2016. And this time, the media would be on their side.

We landed in Barcelona on a cloudless early summer morning and began the 25^th Conference on Postal and Delivery Economics that evening. The first night was a mix of old friends reconnecting over cocktails and reminiscing on the loss of Michael Crew, reflecting on just how much he meant to all of us both professionally and personally.

As mentioned in my last post, I had the pleasure (and pressure) of being the last paper delivered on the last day, in the last session, in the last presentation slot. Indeed, I closed out the conference! It was great to hear so many wonderful ideas from speakers prior to our session. Going last is a double-edged sword: you have the benefit of hearing other points of view which can both confirm and challenge your research and conclusions. Fortunately, it was a mixture of both which helped in my preparation.

Following such interesting presentations from Paul Hodgson and Geoff Bickerton made delivering the paper quite easy. Our session focused on the future of posts, big ideas intended to stimulate debate and discussion which it did. Robert Campbell, another veteran of these conferences, delivered helpful feedback on all 3 papers and gave me much to consider on the plane ride back across the pond. Robert encouraged me to go deeper and consider the exact regulatory frameworks posts would need to branch out and collaborate in adjacent areas of last mile parcel delivery. Indeed, that is a very interesting question, and one of which I am still struggling. Here in the U.S., we talk often about postal reform, yet at times we have tremendous difficulty precisely defining what it is.

I purposely ignored postal diversification strategies into banking, insurance, and financial services and instead focused on innovation in core postal business which simultaneously makes the debate easier and more difficult. It is clear there is much last mile business at risk in the years ahead. It is also clear there is tremendous opportunity for collaboration / partnering / innovation in that space. Trust is a critical element as new entry by Uber, Lyft, Deliv, and others cream skim last mile parcel delivery volumes.

I’m understanding that trust might turn out to be seminal research topic that takes me to Split, Croatia for the 2018 conference…#IBMAoT